Roku nen me no kinenbi

~ A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~ Paul Sweeney


Alhamdulillah... we've been together for 6 years.
6 years already? Okay, okay, I know it's still in the one digit territory, but when one's own biological parents got their first divorce before she was 2 and their final divorce when she was 8 - staying married for 6 years seem somewhat significant.

To be honest, I'd rather woke up up next to hubby than the three kids sleeping in various positions and parts of our bed on the morning of our anniversary. Sure, I'm glad that I do not have to sleep by myself while he's away, but waking up this morning - with Humaidi lying on my right, Haniyya's hands wrapped on my left leg and Huzaifah's right foot just next to my left ear - I realized that there's nobody besides their father I'd rather be beside. Heh

It goes without saying that we have changed and grown since we got married. We have learnt a lot more from each other but still fumbled with each other thoughts and needs at times. . So yes, there are hiccups here and there. There were moments of weakness when he grumbled that I don't get him and made me wanted to retaliate that he doesn't get me too. There were moments when I cried alone rather than  pour out messily and emotionally to him because I had a feeling that he might not understand that I was not blaming him, but just wanted to let off some steam. Yeah, our marriage is still a work-in-progress. After all, the bonds of matrimony usually mature slowly, and we are still only in our 6th year.

I've come to accept that hubby is a non-romantic that would probably never buy me any flower, never dedicate sweet love songs like Maher Zain's "For the rest of my life" to me or send a box of Ferrero Rocher or Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to surprise me at work. But I'll cherish that he was always willing to go for a stroll in a park filled with tulips in spring when we were in Japan, and he once made an effort to sing InTeam's "Doa Seorang Kekasih" (the song played during our cake-cutting ceremony) and he would take some time to do some serious chocolate shopping when we were in Langkawi and Labuan. And I love that he usually doesn't mind changing into another shirt when I suggest we go out in similar-colored outfits.

And I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested for us to go out for an advanced anniversary dinner last Monday. Even more pleased when I was able to fit into the wedding dress I wore 6 years ago and be in it when we were out for dinner. Just as I gloated a bit to him by saying that it was an accomplishment of sort to be able to wear the wedding dress after 6 years and 3 kids, he replied nonchalantly, "you should have made the dress a size or two bigger in the first place. Look at me - I have never had any trouble wearing my wedding attire because they are all quite loose right from the beginning". That practically wiped out the grin from me. Hishh, spoilsport!

So, okay - he may not be perfect. But I've read enough "Di celah-celah kehidupan", "Cik Sri Siantan", "Dang Setia" and what nots to come to appreciate my husband more. He's a decent man who loves his family and works really hard for his family sake. He might have weaknesses here and there. Neither am I without faults. We just have to keep on learning from our mistakes, keep improving and keep working to hone and polish our skills as Muslim spouses and parents. Marriage is after all like a car - it needs maintenance, re-tuning, overhauling and basically takes lot of work to keep it running beautifully.

Happy Anniversary my beloved Abang. I am most blessed to have you in my life (as you are for having me in yours, hehehe). Here's making lots and lots of do'a that Allah will strengthen our bond, bestow us with barakah, guide us to be in the right path at all times and keep us together here and in the hereafter.

Our first solat together as husband and wife - Solat sunat nikah right after the nikah ceremony

Obligatory first-kiss-on-the-forehead pose

With my late Tok

Don't speak unless you are spoken to - Part 3

So there he was, with Ustaz Asyraf, dressed quite smartly in a green Raihan-style shirt.
And I'd chosen to wear a plain pair of brown baju kurung.
I knew Mak wanted me to wear something nicer, but somehow it wouldn't seem quite right for me to go upstairs and change into the yellow-and-purple baju kurung only after the guests had already arrived. Ahh, so be it.

My first quick take of the 'special guest'?
He seemed awfully shy, as he entered the house behind Ustaz Asyraf, almost as if he wanted to be shielded by Ustaz Asyraf.
Looks? Ok lah
Height? Taller than me. Ok lah.
Overall appearance? Ok lah.
No butterflies in the tummy. No double flip-flop of the heart.
I had no idea then that I was meeting the man who was going to be my husband and the father of my children for the very first time that night.

Nothing to ponder much upon a quick glance - I reminded myself that he's just Ayah's guest, no big deal. Besides, I had to get ready to start serving dinner.

So dinner was served - for the guests from Seremban, Ayah and my younger brother Abang. I was told that Ustaz Amin tried out all the lauk, but did not have a second helping. (Much later on I found out that he had already eaten at Restoran Syed in SS3 prior to visiting us). Seemed like they had quite an animated discussion during dinner - ranging from war in the Middle East to kelebihan selawat and Islamic education in Malaysia. No, Ayah did not ask any personal questions. None on his job, his family, his likes or what his future plans are.

Me - I was playing Cinderella - the one who served dinner, clean up and served coffee after dinner. Ayah laid out a rule prior to the visit - 'don't speak unless you are spoken to'. I said 'okay' (while the answer in my head was more like "duh, what ever...")

But I broke the golden rule. Unintentionally actually.

After dinner was over, they moved to the living area and sat on the sofa. I brought out the cut fruits and trifle. Then, I asked Ayah, "nak buat air apa?" Ayah checked with Ustaz Asyraf, who requested for Nescafe. Then Ayah asked Ustaz Amin. His first response was "Kopi", quickly followed by "err, apa-apa jelah"

I seeked for clarification once again - "Kopi ke Nescafe?", to which he replied "Apa-apa jelah".

I made both. He chose Kopi.

But boy oh boy - I got a bitter scolding from Ayah later that night, all because of that one simple question.

The guests left at about 10 p.m.. It was school night after all, and Ustaz Amin had to teach the next day.

It was after the guests had left that Ayah scolded me

"Remember, you were not supposed to speak to him unless you are spoken to!"
"But it's not like I asked him anything personal - I was just seeking clarification...'Kopi ke Nescafe?' Just one single line. Surely it could not cause any harm?"
"You asked him directly in front of me. He might be intimidated by that, thinking that you are such a bold and forward person. No wonder you are still not married as you near 30, because you are a forward girl"

Ouch! Bold and forward, huh? All because of a simple, innocent clarification query???

Mak interrupted. "Kak, I know under any normal circumstances, you did no wrong. I know you have been trained to get detailed answer and that's why you can't help but seeked clarification. But that wasn't any normal occurrence. We don't know what kind of person we were dealing with and we don't know what his expectations are, so it's better to minimise risks by laying the simple rule of you not speaking unless you are spoken to. And you broke the rule."

Good thing was - 'the rule' was made by my parents. The same 'logic' did not apply to the 'special' guest - he had no problem at all with that question. In fact, a few days later, Ustaz Amin pestered Ustaz Asyraf to let Ayah know that his istikharah is positive and would like to know what's the result of istikharah on our side. Much later I found out that he had already performed istikharah before his visit to Kampung Tunku and had gotten a positive sign. He said that when he first saw me in person, he was even more convinced that we were meant to be together.
 
(Someone please pinch me already - how 1950s can this story get? Hehehe)  

So there - the story of how we first met.  
His first visit to our house was on August 19th, 2004.
We were engaged on September 19th, 2004. 
And married on December 3rd, 2004.
Alhamdulillah.

Don't speak unless you are spoken to - Part 2

Thursday came and I took the day off.
Since our guest is someone from Negeri Sembilan, I thought it would be okay to cook something spicy. No, not masak lemak cili api - I had a feeling that my version might not stand up to the original Negeri Sembilan version. Thus, sambal tumis udang was one of the dishes I prepared.

What if he's allergic to seafood? Hence I prepared some stir-fried beef marinated in black pepper with green peas, a dish my late Tok called 'bistik' (probably derived from beef steak).

Made some sayur campur too and trifle for dessert. Mak thought that it was not enough, so she cooked fish curry and ayam goreng berempah. Yeah, for a family which is used to having one or two lauk and one sayur dish, a 5-course dinner was quite memorable.

Mak was unhappy with the worn out place mats though and asked me to go and buy new ones. I was quite surprised because to me the place mats looked presentable enough.

"Just go and get new ones. Tetamu kenalah diraikan," Mak said when I tried to protest, since I really didn't feel like going out what with it nearing the end of office hour and I might got stuck in jam - all due to insignificant place mats.

It went without saying that Mak got her way. I went to Section 14, hoping to get decent but not too pricey place mats. I got them at Metrojaya during a non-Sale period, so it went without saying that the blue checked cloth place mats were quite pricey. And yes, the traffic was slow by the time I made it back home.

By maghrib - we were all ready. The table all set. The fruit cut, the cooked food ready to be warmed and to be served.

Not sure what to wear, I finally put on a demure brown baju kurung, my everyday outfit that's exclusively home-worn. Mak asked me to put on a pair of yellow and purple floral baju kurung - one of my office outfits - but I didn't want to be seen overdressed for someone who's been working hard in the kitchen. Besides, I thought wearing silky striking yellow baju kurung matched with purple tudung might not give the best first impression to an ustaz.

I told myself that he's coming to have dinner with Ayah, thus deserved no more special treatment than I would accord Ayah's other guests. Since he was Ayah's guest, I should not worry too much about looking nice, right? I wanted to be normal and I felt really comfortable wearing that brown baju kurung, notwithstanding that it was a hand-me-down pair (from Mak).

On the other hand, I purposely wore a tudung tiga segi and not tudung labuh - a personal test of sort to see whether this Ustaz was flexible enough to approve of girls wearing tudung tiga segi in their own home.

The guests arrived after Isyak. He wore a shiny satin-like green Raihan-style shirt.

Mak casted a quick glance at me with a look that said, "Look, look - he's making an effort to look nice and you are not. I told you to wear that yellow baju..."

- to be continued -

Don't speak unless you are spoken to

* Please pardon me for indulging in some 'down the memory lane' stories this week. Our wedding anniversary is coming up this Friday but hubby had gone for a 6-day trip in Thailand. It's almost a custom for us to 'explore' a new place of interest during our anniversary, but this year he's gone on the Bangkok-Chiang Rai- Chiang Mai trip with his parents because I don't have any leave to spare and have just started working in a new place. I hope hubby will have a good time in Thailand - I've been to Bangkok several times and had a blast in Chiang Rai (Anira, do you still remember the good old days? Hehehe). Now, if my memory served me well, I think one of the first photos he'd seen of me was taken in Chiang Rai. It would be nice if I could 'guide' him around Chiang Rai just like he 'guided' me around Kuching last year (he'd been to Kuching before, but that was my first time).  Maybe some day we'll get to play 'tourist guide' to each other in other places, insya Allah.

But first, let me share the story of how we first met...

#####

Ayah called me at work one Tuesday morning. (I remember it was Tuesday because Mak and Ayah used to  have their weekly mengaji session with Ustaz Asyraf on Tuesdays.)


"Kak, hari Khamis ni balik rumah awal sikit. Ada hal"
"Hah? Kenapa? Ada apa?"
"Ada orang nak jumpa"
"Hah?"
"Laa, yang bagi gambar tu lah. Kak dah tengok belum gambar tu?"
"Dah"
"Macamana? Ok tak?"
"Ok apa, nama pun Kak tak tau..."
"Nama dia Amin"
"Ooo"
"Jangan lupa, Khamis ni balik awal..."

I took a day off that Thursday. Apparently Mak and Ayah had invited this 'Ustaz Amin' over for dinner with Ustaz Asyraf, 'the introducer' on Thursday night. Mak asked me to cook some dishes.

When I first heard of the arrangement, I almost freaked out. My first thought was - "this is WEIRD". I mean seriously, do people still 'berkenalan' through arranged meeting by the parents in the new millenium? I almost had a flash of a scene a'la P.Ramlee's 'Pendekar Bujang Lapuk' - the guy chatting with both my parents and Mak would excuse herself, "duduklah dulu nak ye, nanti makcik buatkan kopi..." And Mak would ask me to serve the coffee and all... Ha ha, yes, something like a scene from life in the 1950s.

I'd never met this guy - virtually or otherwise. No sms, no email, no chat, no call. All I knew was when I was away in Kelantan, acting as my best friend's bridesmaid, Mak and Ayah had given 4 photos of me to Ustaz Asyraf in exchange of 2 photos of Ustaz Asyraf's friend who is 'age appropriate' to be introduced to me with view towards matrimony. It turned out that this friend of Ustaz Asyraf's also happened to be the nephew of Ustaz Farid - a family friend who once had given away a house to help Ayah paid his debts to a bank and since then had always been deemed in the highest esteem in our family.

So yes, thanks to the photos, I had an idea of how this 'Ustaz Amin' looked like. I knew his age - 31. I knew that he got both his bachelor and master degree from Al-Azhar University in Egypt. I knew that he almost got engaged once but it didn't happen. But I had no idea of him as a person. Is he warm or cool? Is he shy or outgoing? I had no idea of his taste, of his likes or dislikes.

I had no idea what to cook or what to wear or how to present myself on that fateful Thursday night...   

- to be continued -

Go nen me no kinenbi

5 years!
In some ways it feels like forever, in others like it was just yesterday.

Alhamdulillah I must admit that it has been a wonderful and unforgettable 5 years of marriage.

1 plus 1 in 2004 now equals 5!

Baby Haniyya is going to be 10 months, Humaidi is 2.5 years and Huzaifah 4 years.
We have three children, have gone through different life experiences together (living apart in the 1st year, living as Mombusho-student-with-an-Imam-husband in Tokyo for 3 years and a year of what many would consider 'normal life' as government servants)
Alhamdulillah, I am happy to say that we are still moving forward together in our life journey, strengthening and maturing our bond and love for each other.

Oh yes, of course we get exhausted from our boisterous and highly energetic children and we might squabble about different viewpoints but alhamdulillah, so far we managed to work it out.
Oh yes, occassionally we found somebody telling us that I might have annoyed hubby, yet others would point out that I have higher tolerance and patience for his temper bursts compared to most women. Somebody would say that I made a lousy daughter-in-law and another would say that he made a lousy son-in-law too. We don't usually scream at each other, but admitedly, there were moments of resentment, 'bengang' and stuff every once in a blue moon.
Squabbles - what would married life be without them, eh?
"Gaduh-gaduh, bawa bahagia"...Or as Abraham Lincoln put it, "no matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens" (aww shucks...)

Anyway, while it might be easy to get lost in little frustrations and annoyances, when do we remember to look at things from a broader perspective, it really makes us thankful for what we have and are together...
Alhamdulillah.

I love you Abang.
More now than 5 years ago.
And looking forward to many, many more years for us to keep loving each other.
And keep falling in love with each other.
Again and again and again.
Insya Allah.

Wanita materialistik?

That's the topic discussed in "Chit-chat Pagi" segment on MuzikFm this morning.

The callers on the radio seemed to basically agree that most women are materialistic - to different extent.

1. There are those "pisau cukur" type who will only fall for/date/marry rich guys because they look at the money factor first and foremost. This is the kind that most male callers talked about - the kind that give women a bad name.
2. Then, there are those who expect the guys to have more than them because they don't want to end up being the one to be the bread winner in the family. They feel that if they married those who are beneath themselves, then they are not doing justice to the future children because they fail to choose a responsible father. If they married those who do not earn at least as much as they do if not more, then they are not giving themselves much self respect because they are willing to stoop low and who knows how much lower they have to stoop later on. This group seemed to form the majority of the female callers, parents included ("Saya tak nak lah anak saya kahwin dengan orang yang pangkat dan gaji rendah dari anak saya, nanti apa saya nak jawab kalau orang tanya saya tak sayang anak ke?") .
3. Then, there are a few who believe in 'jodoh and rezeki di tangan Allah'. Yes, it is important that the guy has to be responsible and proves that he is willing to work hard to provide for the family. But who is to say that when you marry someone who doesn't earn that much, it will remain that way for the rest of your life? Who is to say that when you marry someone who earn a lot it will remain that way for the rest of your life? And if that happened, will you leave him just because he doesn't earn as much as he used to?

When Rasulullah married Saidatina Khadijah - she was a millionaire and he was working for her. In other words - she made a lot more than he did, but that did not deter her from marrying him as she fell for his sincerity, honesty, loyalty and good manners. Their marriage remained intact until Saidatina Khadijah passed away. For the duration of their marriage Rasulullah never married another. He only practised polygamy after Saidatina Khadijah passed away (a fact that many Ustaz seems to forget to include in their text when talking about polygamy in Islam) And even when he married others, his wives - including Saidatina Aisyah - were jealous of his deep love for Saidatina Khadijah.

Ah, but then he was a prophet. Maksum. Special.

Personally, I believe in looking more at the guy's attitudes than how much money he has. The attitudes go a long way insya Allah, the money, wallahua'lam. And of course, asking for Allah's guidance through solat istikharah is very important before one agrees to marry anybody. Merely using our head and heart is not enough without Allah's guide, so I believe istikharah is a HUGE factor in determining the 'one'.

I've seen some friends and relatives marrying someone who earns/earned less than themselves but alhamdulillah their marriages remain intact until today. I've seen a lady executive who married her boss' driver. Another lady executive married a clerk in the same office. The wives might be the main bread winner in the family, but both the husbands and wives don't let that bother them much. They both learned to take the meaning of "tolerance", "acceptance" and "respect" to another level compared to other 'common' couples.

So, is it true that most women are (or need to be at least a little) materialistic ?

When he came home late

"Guess who'll reach home first, Ayah or us?," I playfully asked Huzaifah when we started our journey back to Putrajaya after being away from home for four days. I was asked to give a talk in Langkawi, so I thought it would be good to visit my biological mother on the way back, thus I brought all three boys with me, together with my helper and Mak's helper. It was my third trip to Langkawi this year, but the first in which I had to drive all the way to Kuala Perlis alone (during previous trips, I either drove a little or not at all)

We stopped by at Kampung Tunku first on our way back from Kedah. It was almost 10.00 p.m. when I started driving back to Putrajaya, hence me questioning Huzaifah. Hubby had to teach in Labu, his routine on the second and the fourth Sundays of every month, and his 'class' usually ends at around 9.30p.m. followed by dinner which usually ends at 10.30 p.m. or sometimes later.
I thought hubby would be home by 11.30 or 12 midnight the latest. I called his handphone but was immediately connected to his voicemail. When there was no sign of him arriving after midnight, my helper asked me if I would like her to accompany me waiting upstairs. That's our normal routine, when hubby is not around, my bibik would sleep with the children upstairs instead of in her own room downstairs just to keep me company.

I called his handphone again - and got the voicemail.
Numerous calls placed at different times got the same response - the voicemail.

I began to worry.
It's not like hubby to return late without calling first. Or an SMS, at the very least.
Labu is still a remote place after all - with the quiet, large, dark plantations and all.
Anything could happen and there might not be coverage for the phone.
He was not using our car but had to loan my cousin Faiz's Myvi, and who knows what could happen in that dark secluded area where it would not be easy to get access to a tow truck should anything unbecoming happened...

I started making do'a for him. I thought of calling my MIL's place in Seremban, but it was already late and I did not want to bother my MIL at such hour. After all, it could be nothing and I didn't want her - with her hypertension and all - to start fretting about nothing.

But still, I was worried.
Think, think, what could be his reason to be late? "Maybe he went to give the old Imam a visit," or so I told myself, to calm myself down. Hubby had told me about the Imam who had twice experienced stroke and is currently undergoing treatment using BioDisc and already there seems to be signs of recovery for the Imam.

When Baby Haniyya woke up for his midnight/early morning feed at around 2.00 a.m., hubby was still not back.

When Huzaifah 'mengigau' at around 4.00 a.m., hubby was still not back.

While one part of my mind told myself to stay calm, that nothing was wrong; the other half of my mind went "what if? what if?" with all sort of horror stuff. Yes, my imagination can run wild sometimes...

When hubby finally returned at about 5.30 a.m. I wanted to simultaneously punch him and hug him. I kissed his hands instead.

"Why are you late?". It's hard not to sound like a nagging wife after one long restless night.

"Oh, I left something in Rasah, so I went back to Rasah after the class was over in Labu. I felt sleepy so I thought of taking a short nap first before returning home..."

"Why didn't you call?"

"The battery went dead and I really thought it was going to be a short nap. I mean, I didn't intend to spend the night there, but..." He smiled weakly.

Heh, good thing I'm not the kind that stabs her husband when he comes home late.
Seriously, a phone call could put all those unnecessary worries away.
But then, the main point was, he was safe and sound and back home in one piece...
Right then, that's what mattered most and I was really grateful for that, alhamdulillah.
So I gave him a hug.
A tight hug.
And uttered a thankful do'a quietly.

Mak & Ayah's 25th Wedding Anniversary

They say that it calls for a celebration when a couple remain together for a quarter of a century, so I guess that's what prompted Ayah - who for the first time ever, made it a point to celebrate his wedding anniversary with us the children.

We had dinner at Paya Serai Restaurant in PJ Hilton, after my younger brother Abang (who btw has been featured in this month's International Business Journal) reported that the restaurant Ayah was hoping to go to in Section 14 was closed. So PJ Hilton was it.

It was quite a quiet family dinner with just us kids minus the grandchildren. The food was okay (I expected it to be better - proof that it has been long since I last had a meal in PJ Hilton), the price reasonable (less than RM50 per pax) and the chic interior design with metallic and silver shades made an appropiate setting for a dinner celebrating a silver wedding anniversary.

Dear Mak & Ayah,

Twenty five (or twenty four plus one) years of marriage is an amazing feat, especially in this world where statistics had shown that half of all marriages end in divorce. Alhamdulillah, yours remained.

We hope that the ups and downs, the good times and the bad times, the trials and the joyous ocassions, the laughters and the tears, the itches, glitches and gleeful moments, happiness and sorrows, joy and losses that you have endured and gone through together shall serve as the glue that will keep you together with the blessings of Allah subhana wa taala.

Here's a loving do'a that Allah will keep on blessing you with love, patience, courage and strength for both of you to keep on being committed and dedicated to each other.

"In marriage, do thou be wise;
prefer the person before the money,
virtue before beauty
the mind before the body"

With love,
Kak & Amin
2 November 2009

Tatkala berjauhan*

(* dengan apologi untuk Kak Lela sebab tiru tajuk mula dengan 'tatkala')

We were 24.
She was pregnant with her first child.
Her husband had to go else where for an assignment.
That morning, her eyes were puffy.
From crying too much

"But he would only be gone for how long? 2? 3 nights?"

"Yes, but you don't understand.
I want him to be my side.
I need him to be my side"

"But you've been on your own for over 23 years without him by your side..."

"You don't understand. Only when you're married, you would understand..."

#####

Fast forward 6 years later.
I was pregnant and hubby was not beside me most of the time.
I don't remember having puffy eyes from too much crying because I missed hubby so much.
And it was not an easy pregnancy, what with me being consistently nauseous until the very morning I gave birth.

Then, 11 days after I gave birth, I left Huzaifah with Mak and Ayah.
Hubby was still attending his KPLI course in Terengganu.
I went to Tokyo alone.
Hubby and Huzaifah only joined me 6 months later.
Still, I don't remember having puffy eyes from too much crying because I missed hubby so much.
In fact I remember thinking that I missed my baby more than my hubby.

So what my friend said to me - about understanding her crying until she got puffy eyes because she missed her husband who was away from home for 2-3 nights - eluded me.

#####

Last week, hubby went to Melaka on Saturday, and returned on Sunday evening.
Sunday evening, I took the kids and bibik to P.D. not long after hubby reached home.
But I made it a point to wait for hubby before leaving because I thought he would only get to see us after he's back from Kedah on Thursday.
Monday morning, hubby went to Kedah to join one "panel hakim yang arif lagi bijaksana" in a Majlis Tilawah Al-Quran for "special education" students.
Monday night we returned from P.D.

Tuesday morning, as I entered the office, one EO asked me, "Nanti Puan pergi Melaka ye Khamis ni?"
"Hah?"
I said no, I didn't know anything about going to Melaka, and usually my EO advised me beforehand about my outstation assignments.

Turned out that during my absence on Monday,
it was decided by upper management for me to give a talk on Thursday in Melaka.
Followed by attending a retreat held in the same hotel until Saturday.
Which means, hubby won't be seeing us on Thursday after all.
We will only see each other on Saturday, insya Allah

#####

No, I still don't feel like crying until my eyes went puffy.
I guess I might not be able to understand what my friend felt 10 years ago after all.
Funny thing is, when ever hubby and I are apart like we are now,
I tend to remember the lyrics from one Westlife song...

Just close your eyes

And you'll be here with me

Just look to your heart

And that's where I'll be

If you just close your eyes

Till you're drifting away

You'll never be too far from me

If you close your eyes

And I know that I've learned the meaning of "sendiri tapi tak sunyi"

Macam dulu-dulu

I had to go to Dungun, until Monday.
He had to go to Ipoh, until Thursday.
C'est la vie.
We knew before that this is what in store for a family with two working parents

He misses the kids.
It's good that Huzaifah is becoming better at 'sembang-sembang', but Humaidi still looks confused everytime the phone (on speaker mode) is passed to him.
Like he's wondering "how did Ayah manage to get into such a small thing to talk to me?".
On the other hand, when he is in the mood to 'mengoceh', Humaidi uses a lot of thing as imaginary telephone - his dad's shoe brush, the TV remote control or a toy. He would happily says "hello" and smiles before he starts babbling away.

Anyway, back to the kids' dad.
He sent 'miss u' sms, and gave missed calls in the middle of the night.
Just to make me smile. And smile I did. A lot.

They said that to keep gluing a family together, it's good for the spouses to be away from each other every now and then.
So that absence makes the heart grow fonder - not out of sight, out of mind.
I know that it works for us - it's been awhile since we last sent 'miss u' sms or missed calls to each other.
And now, those little things make me smile.
We might be away from each other, but our thoughts are with each other.
And we can't wait to see each other again.
Can't wait to just be with each other again.

Macam dulu-dulu

Notes for her (& self)

You asked me how did I cope, so here are some pointers which I hope you can benefit from. Some of these pointers, I've learned from reading, some by observing others and some as told by others. These are only my pointers - they might or might not work with you, but you asked me for these, so here they are...


* Remember that our husband is not the ultimate "tempat bergantung". The ultimate "tempat bergantung" is with Allah. So, in trying time, seek Allah's help, let it all out to Allah - He is always there for us. Husband and kids after all, are only "temporary loans" from Allah. He could take them back any time He wants to, hence we have to surrender it all to Allah.


* We may not be able to change our partner's unpleasant attitude, so what we can do is to make do'a that he will change for the better some day. Never underestimate the power of do'a for Allah is Most Listening.


*Although we can't change him, we can change our own perceptions and reactions. Like, when we can't make him share household chores, then, maybe we can remind ourselves that we are doing all these out of love and charity. Without the "nawaitu" of doing them as "sadaqah", it might seem burdensome, but if we look at them as an investment of sort for us later in the hereafter, maybe the chores will be less burdensome...


* Try to be more creative in meeting his and our own irks and quirks. If he keeps using the towel put on the bed meant for your own use after the shower, start putting two towels. If he keeps using your mug in the morning, buy two similar mugs. (But do kindly ask him to use his own toothbrush)


* Just do what needs to get done. Dishes and dirty clothes find a way to multiply if they are left unattended. Try not to spend more time putting off the job than it would actually take if you just do it. Instead of making the bad seem worse, and your relationship more strained in the process (because he did not do them when it was his turn to do so), not to mention wasting precious time - just do what needs to be done.

* Compliment him on his achievements when he gets stuff done in the house, especially those he did out of his own initiatives. Remember that guys prefer us to remember them as the knight in shining armor, so chances are if we keep polishing those armor, he might want to keep being in his 'shining armor' behaviour.

* In trying times, keep reminding ourselves of his positive traits. Well, he might sleep a little extra, or have time to stay awake for soccer at midnight but not for chores, or play games on our phones but forget to recharge them - but at other times, he cooks, or massages, or change the baby's diapers, or tidy up the house. Most of all, he stays loyal to us and love us for who we are.

* In trying times, before we "terlepas cakap", ask ourselves would we say such thing if he's not going to be with us tomorrow? Many wives realized their own weaknesses and became more forgiving of their husbands after they were left by the husbands. We should be forgiving when we are still with each other, and try to keep making the relationship better and healthier.

* When we give, don't expect any return. Let Allah do all the 'calculation'. It is not for us to say that we are doing a lot more when he is doing little or nothing. If we keep on "mengungkit", a lot of things might amount to nothing, yet when he does a little, but sincerely and with all his heart, it might counts more. Let Allah do all the 'calculation', we just keep on giving what we can. After all, it is always better to give than to receive, right?

Notes for him

"I feel abandoned. He makes time for his buddies, he has time to watch tv after work, he doesn't mind taking office stuff back home, but he doesn't really care about me. Or else he would've contributed more at home and really make time for me. They said that husbands and wives should be each other's garment, but I don't feel warm and protected by mine."

"Sometimes, I just feel like crap because I work hard too, I have sacrificed too, and I am fried too, and while I do things for him, it feels like he never thinks to do anything just because it needs to get done at home. He'll do it if I ask him to - or more likely, ask him two, three times, then snark or yell at him. Which ends up making me feel like a shrew. I don't want that identity. I did not sign up for that marriage."

"Everytime I ask for his help, he would procrastinate. Then in the end, I would be the one who do it because he would fall asleep. But he could stay awake at midnight - to watch soccer or play games. Why do I stay with him? To be his slave?"

#####

Dear H, A and O (respective husbands to A, E and I)

I admit that I've only been married for less than five years and thus may not be the best marriage 'counsellor'. But your wife let off her steam to me, and while I talked on a different note to her, I was actually quite mad at you too, for making my friend felt that way.

In the first place, you married each other because you wanted to fulfill a religious obligation. An obligation that states that you, the husband, must fulfill the nafkah of your wife, and subsequently, nafkah of the children.

In meeting the economical needs - nafkah zahir - it's quite difficult to depend on just one salary nowadays, so you give permission to your wife to work and earn extra income. But giving permission for her to work does not mean that you are giving her half the responsibility. She does it out of charity, out of love for her family.

In fulfilling the nafkah of your wife, you must remember not to just fulfill the physical needs, but also the emotional and spiritual needs - nafkah zahir. To go on in a life, you need food and shelter; to go on living together, surely you need a lot more.

Now, since your wife is a working mother, then you must be more considerate towards her. You feel tired from a day's work, she feels that too. You feel frustrated and weary from work, she feels that too. So stop making lame excuses in sharing the load of household chores. How can a man - who has naturally been built stronger and more energetic - sit quietly while the weaker wife works hard at home, after a hard day's work in the office?

Do what needs to be done, preferably without being asked. You wake up later than her, you make the bed. You see socks on the floor, you put them in the washing machine. You see the toys cluttered, you clean them up. You see unwashed plates, you wash them up. Why do you have to wait to be asked or told what to do? You know you don't like to be 'ordered', so don't give her any space to 'order' you around.

And time is of an essence. If she asked you to do the dishes after breakfast since you go to work later than her, don't wait until the evening to get it done. Your house is not a restaurant - you don't wait to get served by others. You serve yourself and you clean up after yourself, by yourself.

When she asks for your help around the house, she's asking for support, for understanding. When she pleads for a massage, a foot rub, she's seeking for intimacy. In short, she needs to know and reassured that she's loved, cherished and appreciated.

Don't blame her for not wanting to spend more intimate times with you when you yourself do not spend much un-intimate times with her. Don't blame her for feeling tired all the times when you refused to tire yourself with some of the chores. Women are emotional creatures, if we are drained emotionally, chances are, we would be drained physically too.

Husband and wife both share the responsibility to make marriage work. Learn from our beloved Rasulullah s.a.w.. He never shied away from household chores, he even mended his own clothes. When breakfast was not prepared due to lack of food, he said that he would fast. When he returned late one night, he slept in front of the house, not wanting to disturb the wife's sleep. He said that the best amongst Muslim is the one who is kind to his wife.

So, what else do you need to persuade you to be kind to yours?
Being kind is part of proving your love for her. After all, love is a verb.
Love - the feeling - is a fruit of the verb.

So?

"It seems like you give in a lot to your husband"

"Huh?"

"I think you are very patient, that's why you don't mind giving in to your husband"

I smiled. What my room-mate (in the office) said reminded me of two dialogues I had ages ago. One when I just started working after finishing DPA course; the other with a close friend not long after I got married.

#####

"You know A.Z., there were a few guys who initially have interest in you during DPA. But then, everyone thought it's too risky to have a relationship with you. Mesti you kuat bengkeng, kuat melawan punya."

I gasped. What did I do that make them think so?

"You have a very strong personality. You always asked, no, you demanded for explanations. And you were good at whatever you attempted, it gets a bit intimidating. Most guys do not like being intimidated..."

#####

"You never said "so?" to Amin?"

"Huh?"

"You have always asked "so?" when ever you want further explanation. Or clarification. In fact, my husband had gotten so used to you asking "so?" that he sometimes do impersonation of you when he wants further explanation"

"Owh..."

#####

For the record, I think I have never asked hubby "so?" in that certain way that could be mimicked by my close buddy's husband.
I don't have to demand explanation from him - he knows better to fully explain himself.
And I don't think hubby has ever been intimidated by me.
And I do admit that I give in a lot.
Just as he does too.

After all, that's what marriage is all about - giving in and giving back.

Yon nen me no kinenbi

"I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you."
- Spike to Buffy, in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

This morning, after Subuh, I made sujud syukur.
Thanking Allah for blessing me with a good husband and beautiful children.
Thanking Allah for strenghtening the relationship and love between hubby and I.

It has been four years.

1 plus 1 now equals 4 and a half.

I still remember Mak calling me while I was driving back home from Jalan TAR. It was near 6.00 p.m. and the majlis akad nikah was scheduled after Isyak that night. I had to go out and buy matching tudung and selendang for my wedding outfits as two of the pairs given by the tailor, the purple and the blue ones, did not really match the respective baju*

"Kak, where are you?"
"On the way, on the way..." I hadn't prayed Asar yet, but by then I was already in Section 16, PJ. Not that far from home
"It's almost 6.00 p.m."
"I know, I know..."
"Jangan sampai pengantin perempuan pula yang tak ada bila pengantin laki sampai..."
I smiled.
Allah willing, I would not turn my back on the solemn ceremony for no good reasons.
And I had no good reason to do so.

The truth? I was scared. I had doubts - mostly at myself. I've seen how Ummi failed at maintaining her marriages - both to Ayah and Pakcik. Other people told me that I should not worry too much - I could learn from Mak and Ayah. But no matter how close I am to Mak, it's Ummi's blood that flow in my vein, so the worry was (still is) there all along. I've said this before and I'm saying this again because for me it's true - children from broken homes try harder at making their marriages work because they have first hand experiences of the pain brought by failed marriages.

So I knew I must give it a try first. And pray for the best.

*****

"You have not known him for long - are you sure that you're not rushing things?," a concerned friend asked.

We were engaged a month after we first met. The wedding was less than three months after we were engaged. So yes, it might seemed like we were rushing things. But this thing called 'jodoh' works differently for different people. Some have known their partner for ages, but their marriage didn't last that long. Some took ages before marrying a person they've known all along to be their soul mates. And some, like us, didn't take that long before marrying each other.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has arranged it in such a way that we met when we were both ready to make commitment. We were both aware that by agreeing to marry each other, we were doing it to "complete our deen", to fufill a sunnah as Muslims, as there's a hadith which states clearly that marriage is part of the sunnah of Rasulullah and whoever turns away from the sunnah does not belong to him.

Despite initially not feeling all the "chemistry thingy" with hubby, I was also ready to love and fall in love with one man that deserves it all - my husband. I'm a bit traditional in that I've never said "I love you" to another guy. I'm sure I must have said words like "I care for", or "I like", or some words to that effect to those who had my affection before, but I've never said "I love you". I've been reserving the "three little words" all along for my husband, as I wished to whisper them not only into his ear, but also into his heart. And for the words to have meaning that deep, they have to come from the very bottom of my heart.

Oh, but I've also known all along that love does not mean everything is going to be fine all the time. We have had our shares of disagreements. We may not always get along all the time. We may not always share the same perspectives all the time. But we are also willing to apologize, to forgive, to compromise, to listen to each other, to make changes - all for the better, for ourselves, and for each other.

And so today I thank Allah, for uniting us as husband and wife, for blessing us with rahmah and mawaddah, and for making me feel comfortable with my beloved hubby, but still getting weak knees upon seeing him smiling at me from afar.

During our kenduri in Kampung Tunku

4 years later (in an attempt to sorok my large perut, he he)

(Note: The guy in charge of my wedding outfits bad-mouthed me in the office when I returned a borrowed samping with a stain after the wedding. Hubby was unsure if the stain was there all along or if it was there after he used it. But whatever it was - I'm quite sure that the amount I paid the guy for the outfits was more than enough to cover for dry cleaning.
Besides;
* He never gave me a quotation of his service, otherwise I might have considered using other "andaman" service. I wanted to help him supplement his income as he was a support staff in the office. I kept asking for a quotation in advance, but he never gave me even an estimate and only when it was already fait accompli, he asked for the payment which, if I had used another andaman house, might cover not only the outfits, but also wedding photography and videography services.
* Apart from giving me two sets of tudung and selendang that did not match the wedding outfits, he 'lent' me some make-up stuff that screamed cheap and might passed their expiry dates, when he earlier promised to loan some good make-up kit for my wedding, as part of his service. I had to buy my own make-up, and borrowed some from my aunt, Nyah.
* Later on, when he was supposed to be in charge of a farewell party for me in the old office, he neither invited nor informed me of the party. Imagine - I was not even invited to a farewell party which was supposed to be held in my honor. His excuse was - I was in my late pregnancy stage and 'takut meletup kat ofis'. Shouldn't I be the one to decide whether or not to attend the party? It was held 3 days before I gave birth to Huzaifah, so I'm pretty sure if I'd been informed beforehand, I would make it a point to attend it.
* He collected some money from colleagues in the old office to buy a farewell gift for me before I gave birth to Huzaifah and went to Japan. The gift, if he even bought one, never reach me.)

San nen me no kinenbi

It was our 3rd wedding anniversary yesterday.
(Hubby could remember the big date easily since his birthday is on 12.03 and we were married on 03.12. Lucky me, alhamdulillah!)

We went to Nikko last weekend for sort of anniversary celebration in advance, since we had already made all the necessary preparation - guest house booking, basic itinerary, food buying, etc. More on that later.

Initially I'd wanted to blog about the moments just before I was pronounced a legally wedded wife three years ago. But with Tok's death - it seemed rather insignificant. After all, we had only been married for three years where as Tok married Tok Ayah when she was 14 and he 22, and they remained faithful to each other until their last breath - she at 76 and he at 69.

But given another perspective - that my own parents were divorced (for the first time - they were divorced three times) even before their marriage reached 2 years old, remaining married for three years seems like an accomplishment of sort.

Well, which ever it is, I am happy to be with the man I married, proud to be the mother of our children, and hope that we will keep loving each other.

Loving as in the verb - not just the feeling. Stephen Covey once wrote "Love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of the verb." What constitutes this verb of love then? To serve, sacrifice, listen to, emphatize, appreciate, affirm. Among others.

Rasulullah s.a.w. used to keep himself busy serving his family, and would get up for solat only when it was time to do so. He used to mend his own clothes, and do other household chores. And he claimed that the best among the Believers are those who are best towards their wives and daughters. (Sometimes, all these are conveniently 'forgotten' to be highlighted in ceramah on the rights and duties of husbands and wives in Islam.)

But of course, it is not all one way. After all, Rasulullah had also stated that the best wife is one who is attractive in her husband's eyes, who carries out his wishes, and remains vigilant in his absence. Husbands and wives are garments for each other - to offer protection, comfort, modesty and warmth. To complement and supplement each other.

Marriage is a tool for two interdependent people to achieve greater things in life. 1 plus 1 after all, does not necessary equals 2. In the past three years, in our case, 1 plus 1 has already equalled 4!

Happy 3rd anniversary, sayang.
May we keep loving each other for many years to come, insya Allah!

On the night of our akad nikah

On the eve of our third anniversary

Selamat Pengantin Baru

Selamat Pengantin Baru to my beloved brother, Abang and my new sister-in-law Sarah.

Alhamdulillah, they were pronounced legally wedded husband and wife at 4.22 pm on the 24^th of November 2007 in Masjid Sungai Batu, Serdang, Kedah.

In the words of Mark Twain,

“A marriage… makes of two fractional lives a whole;
it gives to two purposeless lives a work,
and doubles the strength of each to perform it;
it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living,
and something to live for;
it will give a new gladness to the sunshine,
a new fragrance to the flowers,
a new beauty to the earth,
and a new mystery to life.”

More importantly, I hope in the years to come, my brother (and all other husbands) will not forget that Rasulullah had once said:

"The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the best of you are the kindest to their wives."

My doa is that the two of you will find long lasting love and happiness in, and with, each other.

“All praise is due to Allah; we plead Him for help, and we ask for His protection, and we seek refuge in Him from the mischief of our souls; whomsoever Allah guides, there is none who can lead him astray and whomsoever Allah finds in error, there is none to guide him; and I bear witness that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger. 'O you who believe! Be careful of your duty to Allah, by Whom you demand one of another your rights, and to the ties of relationship; surely Allah watches over you. 'O you who believe! Be careful of your duty to Allah with the care which is due to him, and do not die unless you are Muslim.' 'O you who believe! Be careful of your duty to Allah and speak the right word; He would put for you your deeds into a right state and forgive you your faults; and whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, he indeed achieves a mighty success”

- excerpt of a nikah sermon as according to a hadith

Ni nen me no kinenbi

“Kakak ni nanti kahwin dengan orang yang berkaitan…” an old friend of my mom once remarked a few years before I was married. Not that I ever believe in superstitious stuff, but the word “berkaitan” rather perplexed me.

“Berkaitan macam mana Tok?”, I asked for further clarification. After all, at that time I was having a huge crush on a fellow DPA course mate – and surely belonging to the same institute at the same time could be considered “berkaitan”, right?

“Isy, susah aar Tok nak cakap, tapi pusing lagu mana pun, orang ni berkaitan la..”

Fast forward a couple of years later – and hey, what do you know – hubby turned out to be definitely “berkaitan” –
his “kaitan” with Ayah’s ustaz who first introduced him to us;
the “kaitan” through his uncle who has been our family friend for ages, who had in fact once helped Ayah and his brother pay some bank loan by mortgaging one of his properties;
the “kaitan” through his elder sister and younger brother who used to be my seniors in school;
his “kaitan” with my biological mother, sharing same old ancestors from Pattani.

After two years of being married, here’s hoping that our “kaitan” will only be strengthened for many more years to come…

* This is the first time we celebrated our anniversary together since last year I was in Tokyo while he was still in Malaysia. After remaining undecided between going to Takao for momiji or visiting the Sea World Park in Kasai for quite some time, we ended up actually spending the day playing tourist in Tokyo. Just paying 710 yen each for Tokyo Metro one-day ticket, we
- enjoyed momiji in Shinjuku Gyoen,
- played with yellow gingko leaves in Yoyogi/Meiji Jingu Koen,
- watched swans gracefully swimming as well as enjoying nice fountains near Imperial Palace,
- went up Sunshine 60 building as well as went gaga over a lot of stuff in Toyota showroom in Ikebukuro,
- prayed in Otsuka Mosque,
- sampled miniatures of different cakes/tarts and took a closer inspection of the latest Skyline model in the Nissan showroom in Ginza, and
- dined in our favourite Turkish retaurant which served halal food in Takadanobaba.

Oh my, it was indeed a very long day - but with the really sunny weather, not too cold temperature and Huzaifah seemingly enjoying the day thoroughly too, it was quite a memorable anniversary, alhamdulillah...

On this anniversary

Before I married my husband, En Malik, a senior officer at the office (or affectionately called Pak by me) began teasing by calling me “ustazah”. It wasn’t long when many others followed suit. Yes, apparently to them, since the title ustaz is kind of an honor, it’s only right to honor the ustaz’s wife by referring to her as ustazah. In Pak’s word, “if you marries a tuan, you become a puan. Since you are going to marry an ustaz, so you become ustazah.”

Duh.

Somehow the nickname didn’t last long. Not in the office anyway – I guess I’m way too un-ustazah like, so the nickname just could not stick.

But I do get addressed as ustazah. All the time. Everytime I accompanied hubby to some functions or talk, some ladies would have asked me questions along this line:

"Ustazah kerja kat mana?"
"Errr… saya bukan ustazah…"
"Ooohhh… Cikgu mengajar kat mana?"
"Errr… saya bukan cikgu…"
"Ooohhh… kenal ustaz masa belajar ye?"

For some reason or others, it almost seems obligatory for an ustaz to marry an ustazah or a teacher. If the wife is neither an ustazah nor a teacher, then the ustaz was supposed to have known the wife when they were still studying. And of course, the wife would have been studying in the same place (in hubby’s case, Egypt) if not the same university (Al-Azhar).

Duh.

I’ve since learned to stop telling people that I’m neither an ustazah nor a teacher whenever I meet up with a new group of audience. If they are going to be hubby’s audience/students for long, sooner or later they would learn that he marries a government officer, from some other sources. If they are just one-time audience, it’s immaterial for them to learn more about the ustaz’s wife. The repeated audience of course, would be seeing me again from time to time, hence they would appreciate knowing a little background.

Once, a senior kakak at the office told me that she respects me for marrying an ustaz. She said that while she had heard of PTDs marrying teachers, she has never came across a PTD marrying an ustaz until me. Being a personal assistant, she has been working for many PTDs, so she thought that typical PTDs wouldn’t have married an ustaz because, most PTDs are just too… errr… duniawi. I grinned and told her I believe that I couldn’t be the first nor the last PTD to have married an ustaz, only that maybe she hasn’t had the fortune to meet any of them until me.

So, could a so-called duniawi PTD who could not fit the shoes of an ustazah/cikgu/Egypt graduate builds a successful marriage with a supposedly-ukhrawi ustaz (who also happens to be a Hafeez)?

I don’t know.
But I surely hope so.

Putting our obvious differences aside, we are just two people – like most other not-so-newly-married couples – who are still trying to learn more about each other. Learning to compromise, to accept each other’s shortcomings, to value our differences and to benefit from each other’s strengths. We laugh together and at each other. We quiet each other’s fears and are each other’s strongest supporter. We fight. We kiss and make up.

Like every responsible, sensible and rational married couple, we are aware that marriage needs lots of commitment and dedication to make it successful. I have seen how my biological mother and Ayah sucked at it. And I have seen how Mak and Ayah worked – and continue working – on theirs.

And if you have heard this before, yes, it’s true, children from broken homes try harder. Because we would try our best to avoid subjecting our kids to what we have went through. No kids deserve the kind of trauma which will end them as – in Nisah Haron’s words – “anak-anak yang rosak emosi”.

So hubby and I will keep learning. To fit our lives together. To love each other more. To be more accepting. No matter how worlds apart we may appear to others, we remain firm believers that there must be a good reason why out of billions people, we have been fated to find and marry each other.

And so, I stand by what I wrote him about a year ago –

"My dearest Abang,

May we always laugh together, cry together
and be there for each other
May we continue on caring, sharing
and understanding each other
May we get to be silly all the times
May we keep on whispering deep secrets
and dreaming wild adventures together
May we care for
and love each other
and be blessed by Allah
always"

Missed calls

It seldom fails to make me smile.

The sound of a certain ringing tone that never lasts long enough for me to actually pick the phone up. Not that I would too, since I knew that the calls were meant to be missed calls anyway.

It’s a habit hubby picked up even before we were married. Back then, he would gave me so many missed calls that they could amount up to 30 or more times a day as he would called every so often and cut the connection quickly after he heard the ringing tone. The missed calls stopped for a while when we first got married, and then resurfaced after he was sent to Terengganu for his one-year KPLI course, but to a lesser extent.

It has started again recently after I got myself one of those 1yen Sony Ericsson A1404SII CDMA phone (au by KDDI) last week.

And this time around – I don’t find them mildly irritating like it used to be before we were married. Instead – I just found it comforting and very reassured to know that I’m constantly being thought about by hubby all day long, each and every day.

Funny but true – it’s little things like giving me missed calls (more insistently so when he really wants me to actually call him. I use international prepaid card and it’s cheaper to make a call from Japan to Malaysia than vice versa) that keeps me falling in love again and again with him.

Yet I haven't figure out what to send him for our first wedding anniversary, coming up in about 2 weeks time...

Fair lah kan?

“Sayang, will you allow me to cut my hair? Please… Please… Please…”

“Ok… just snip an inch off”

We’ve been having this sort of discussion for quite some time now. Everytime I seeked permission to have a hair cut, my husband would either dismissed it or pretended to dwell on it but finally only allowed snipping an inch off. I think my hair is way too long but hubby thinks it’s not long enough. And I really want a hair cut so badly that I’m willing to do it myself if need be.

I tried to convince him that I won’t crop it short a’la Demi Moore’s style when she was starring in Ghost. I just want to trim it a little bit, perhaps keeping it at shoulder length, which I feel suits me best. But he wouldn’t listen to any of my pleading. Instead he wants me to keep growing it until it reaches the back of my waist, or longer. “Women look better with their hair long. The longer, the better,” he insisted. Since my hair grows very slowly, it’ll take ages before it measures up to his requirement. Yet, even now I already feel like my hair is way too long for my own comfort.

Perhaps it was partly my fault. He once asked me what’s my personal record of longest hair and when was it. I carelessly told him that it was during my student days in UK. Why so? Oh, because my ex was growing his hair long and I just wanted to make sure that my hair was longer than his.

Perhaps that statement touched him more than he wanted to openly admit. Now he’s adamant in prohibiting me from cutting my hair until it at least reaches my waist. I’ve never ever grown my hair that long and he knows it, so basically he’s insisting that I set a new personal record of hair length– by his request.

Anyway, since he already allowed me to burn his old photos, I guess it’s my turn to make allowances for him on this matter. Fair lah kan?